I often have this debate with my cousins because I’m just mad at the facts. I have completed all of “the steps“, according to America, that are necessary to be successful and to achieve the “American Dream.”
Then, I look at the welfare recipients, the strippers, and the hoes. Honestly, doesn’t it ALWAYS seem like they have EVERYTHING you are working hard to get? I mean…. They’re married to a fine, good wholesome brother with a good job, nice teeth, who doesn’t have any kids or felonies….. They’re driving the car you’ve dreamed of for years…… They’re living in the house you only can image because of TV and magazines…. Their bank accounts ain’t on E nor even close to E….. Their hair, nails, and toes are ALWAYS done…… And they’re wearing all of those shoes you’ve been praying to God about for the last year.
Now, this is how some appear on social media. Who really knows their income and how they acquire their money. See, I’m not mad at the social media chicks with all the flaunting and etc. What I’m trying to figure out is…… how the chick next door, up the road, and around the corner are living waaaayyyyyyyy better than. But then I started looking at the numbers, and I’m trying to figure out how I’m doing so much better when I’m really not.
Let’s look at the numbers:
Typical Chick with Masters Degree
$100 electric bill
$150 cable bill
$150 cellphone bill
$100 hair, nails, and toes (on a good month)
$45 water, trash, sewage, and etc
$120 gas money
$2000 “professional” job salary
$90,000 student loan debt
Typical Chick with government aid and 2 kids and does hair at her home
$150 rent (housing voucher)
$600 food (food stamps)
$25 (electricity bill voucher)
$180 makeup (professional done makeup for club and etc)
$300 clothes and shoes
$300 clothes and shoes for the kids
$600 child support
$2400 income (6 sew in weaves per week at $100 a piece)
$200 sold some food stamps
$500 car note without insurance
$200 gas money (drives everywhere)
$800 hair, nails, and toes
no student loan debt
Income: $3200 with free food and no taxes
Now, this isn’t everybody but this was just a general observation of what I’ve seen with my own two eyes. Do you know what I could do with $3200 tax free money and free food??? #FoodForThought
Our first Queen of the year is Ms. Serena Williams. Phenomenal on and off of the court.
She became the world No. 1 for the first time on July 8, 2002, and achieved this ranking for the sixth time on February 18, 2013.She is the reigning champion of the Australian Open, French Open, Wimbledon and Olympic women’s singles and doubles. Williams is regarded by some commentators, sports writers, and current and former players as the greatest female tennis player of all time.
She has won 13 Grand Slam doubles titles with her sister Venus, and the pair are unbeaten in Grand Slam tournament finals. Williams is also a five-time winner of the WTA Tour Championships
Williams was the second-highest paid female athlete in 2015, earning $11.6 million in prize money and $13 million from endorsements. In December 2015 she was named Sportsperson of the Year by Sports Illustrated magazine.
Oh and just in case you didn’t know, last year, she became the first black female athlete to have a picture by herself on the cover of Vogue, which she did for the April 2015 issue.
If you still don’t understand why she’s so great, check out the video below:
Soooooo we’re back!!!!!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! 🎉🎊🎆🎉 I know I’m late but better now than never. I hope everyone is having a great year so far! So let’s dig into our first topic of the new year.
So the topic for today is based on the Instagram post below:
If you love him, don’t let his girlfriend stop you …….. (-___-) This has the the most degrading statement ever. If you’re loving a guy who has a girlfriend, you’re the only one that is being a fool. After all these months and even years, you still hanging on to a man/boy who doesn’t even think enough of you to respect you or his girlfriend. Best believe, he doing everything in is power to make sure his girlfriend is happy and knows NOTHING about you. You can do like all these fools have done for the last 100 years and love somebody else’s man. You ain’t wasting nobody’s time but yours. All he is doing is using you for sex and an occasional break from his girlfriend, fiancé, or wife.
Stop dating guys who are in relationships with other women. You just end up looking like a desperate hoe. Or looking like a home wrecker…….. Why steal someone else’s joy? Let her have her “no good” triflin ass guy…… I don’t care how good the sex is or how much money is giving you, the reality is his just doesn’t like you like that. Point. Blank. Period. You might feel like you’re using him but in reality, you’re the one being used. Open your eyes and think with head not your genitalia or bank account.
Always remember that Karma is going to come for you. She NEVER forgets. So when you get married and discover that your husband has been cheating on you for the last 5 years, remember all those times you were sleepy with somebody else’s boyfriend, fiancé, or husband.
Dating is tricky. Everything you do and say can affect your dating life. Not only that, but even how you look can affect your dating life. Nobody wants to date someone who’s looks “questionable.” Let’s be honest, first impressions help determine whether you talk to a person beyond the first encounter. You might not be be who you appear to be but bad first impressions don’t leave room for them to want to get to know you.
Now, teeth is something that you see as SOON as you open your mouth. You just can’t hide them. You can try to mumble but eventually you’re gonna laugh and all those teeth running in a hundred different directions are going to show. Personally, crooked teeth don’t bother me but other people are TOTALLY turned off by crooked teeth. Now… If you’re gonna embrace your crooked teeth, at least brush them. Use some Listerine and floss as well because NOBODY like stankin’ breath. And just because you have crooked teeth, doesn’t mean that they have to be yellow and brown. Take care of your teeth.
A beady, peezy head is NOT acceptable. Like, have enough pride about yourself that you AT LEAST brush your damn head. If you’re gonna rock a low cut, KEEP IT CUT. You should NOT be looking homeless because you are simply too lazy to get a haircut. PLEASE wash your hair whether you have a low cut or dreads. Nobody wants to smell your head and NOBODY wants to see how dry your scalp can get. It’s just unacceptable especially if you’re screaming and preaching about being a “grown man.”
We don’t get to choose the type of skin we get. Some of us are just more prone to acne, have very dry skin, have very oily skin, and have all kinds of other skin issues. But the things you can fix, at least ATTEMPT to fix them. You’ve had horrible acne since you were 12 and now your 32. In 20 years, you couldn’t figure out nothing that works for you. At what point will you be willing to just breakdown and go to the dermatologist? You got insurance and you have the time. Pizza face done turned into crater face now. And if you’re dry, just please put on some lotion. STOP GETTING THAT OFF BRAND LOTION THAT’S JUST GLYCERIN AND WATER. If your going to continue to use it, mix it with a lil Vaseline. There’s NO reason for you to be ashy from head to toe literally.
I cannot STRESS this enough. Please have clean fingernails. Dirty fingernails are a deal breaker to me. If like one nail has a lil something under it, I might be okay. BUT, if ALLLLLLLLLL your nails are black underneath, I’m going to assume that you’re dirty and that you been scratching your ass as well. Now, you’re a mechanic or something, I’ll give you a pass and then education you about the appropriate soap to use to remove the oil from under your nails.
Everybody wants to act so humble like they don’t care about what the person they date has on. THAT’S A LIE. One of the first things some people notice about you is your clothing and that includes your shoes. I understand everyone isn’t going to be rockin’ the latest Jordan’s, the latest Gucci loafers, that $3,000 wool coat out of Lenoxx Mall, $5,000 watches and all this other expensive stuff. All that type of stuff doesn’t really matter. The biggest thing is if YOU ARE CLEAN. You can have on the most expensive jeans, shoes, shirts, and etc but if you look AND smell dirty, to common person YOU ARE DIRTY AND UNCLEAN. Pulling greasy dirty “tru religion” jeans out the hamper or off the floor is unacceptable. Why put dirty clothes on a clean body?…… But maybe your body ain’t clean either 👀 That’s what I would be thinking.
Clean out our ears. You ever seen a whole wax figurine in someone’s ear. It’s so not cute.
Clean your nose. It’s one thing to have a bat in cave but it’s other thing when it looks like Mount Everest is in your nose. You ever looked at somebody and been like “I know you feel them boogers in your nose.”
Wash your feet and spray the insides of them sneakers with some Febreeze or something.
Everybody can’t rock the unibrow. You’re probably not wealthy enough for chicks not to care.
Clip your fingernails. Nobody wants a guy with stiletto nails.
Iron your clothes. At least throw them in the damn dryer lol!
Dating your ex, a lot of times, has been frowned upon. I do not know what’s the big deal about dating your ex again. But your homegirl, best friend, and family members are always like “Why you went back to that fool?” Or they giving you major side eye because they know if they say ANYTHING negative about this fool, it will only draw you closer to him. But let’s dig into this subject.
No Good, Cheating, and Plain Triflin’
Many people have dated that no good guy that your family and friends have HATED. You know…. The guy how you thought was fine, perfect, and could do no wrong…. He was also the guy that cheated on you repeatedly…. The one who slid back with his baby momma and got her pregnant again or got the chick who lives next door pregnant. Or maybe, he was the guy who lied about “hangin” with his homeboys when he was really kicking with some other chick. He coulda been, the guy who claimed he was seriously dating you but then you found out that also had another “serious” relationship with a chick who lives out of town. Or how about, the dude who ALWAYS has some chick’s stuff at his house talmbout “that’s my homegirl/best friend stuff.” If you had this type of ex, you KNOW better than to seriously date him again. People always say “ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER.” Idk… Idk… Idk because sometimes people can mature and change. LOL!! (I’m just trying to be optimistic tho lol!) But to be honest, you probably have an ex who got you singing “I can’t get enough, can’t get enough” andthat’s the ONLY reason you are considering dating him again.
You ever dated a great guy but the timing was absolutely horrible. Ya’ll might have lived in different cities, states, or even countries. Maybe, he was military and you were in school or vice versa. He could have had a wonderful opportunity in another country which didn’t allow you to travel with him. Ya’ll paths might have been going in two different directions. Life, especially as it concerns your “love life”, does not care about your love life. Life will continue to go on whether you are with the love of your life or not. Sometimes, bad timing can keep you from seeing the potential of maybe a wonderful relationship that could have evolved into marriage. But who knows…. Bad timing combined with “life” messed that all up. I think, re-dating this type of ex is okay. You both have probably matured more and grown into even better people over time. Ya’ll probably have better careers and are way more stable in life. The problem is, with bad timing, someone else might had seen how great that guy was too and was just in the right place, at the RIGHT TIME.
At the end of the day, you can date who you want to date and as many times as you want to date them.
So after catching up on “Being Mary Jane“, I started having so many epiphanies. This show is so relatable to my culture, environment, and to me, my life personally. It always tugs at my heart EVERY EPISODE in some kind of way. But after every episode, I always have the thought of “Am I turning into Mary Jane?” And to be honest, it scares me.
You would think after not having kids out of wedlock, going to college, graduating with a bachelors degree, graduating with a masters degree, getting a job, getting a better job, then getting a career job, that you would be HAPPY. But nothing is never enough…. Like you can’t never make enough money. Your job/career is never good enough. Your place isn’t good enough. Your car isn’t good enough. Your skin is never perfect. Your wardrobe always needs improvement. Your hair is ALWAYS a big issue. Your love life is TRASH. Then, you wake up one day like, “where has all the time gone?” You begin being over critical of yourself because you are ALWAYS seeking something better.
For me like many other people, I AM MY BIGGEST CRITIC.
Was school worth the hassle?
You spend your whole life trying to achieve this “American Dream” just to realize that the dream might had been a joke. You starting questioning your reasons to why you went to a four year university instead of a tech school. You start realizing the debt you have accumulated while trying to reach this “American Dream” is something that will be a financial burden for years. Now, how’s this gonna effect your path to your dream car and dream home? This dream is now seeming unrealistic and unachieveable. Nobody wants to wait until they’re 50 or 60 to get a 2 door red convertible car.
I just wanna be ME.
You work so hard not be the “stereotypical” black woman in your work place. You fight so hard no to be the “stereotypes” of black women you see on television and the internet, who are depicted to be only good for twerking, making babies, fighting, being loud, stripping, and so many other negative things. It’s a constant battle that seems to be only going uphill.
Morals don’t equal financial success.
At times, you might even doubt having morals and obtaining degrees, because it seems like everyone else is winning in life. Sometimes, it’s hard not to compare yourself to someone who has obtained everything you are working hard to “try” to obtain. Especially, when they only put in the minimum effort of shaking their ass and sleeping with financially successful men. Many times, you can look at the material possessions of a stripper and be like “Damn, I should have just stripped to get the money I need to open my own business.”
Dating becomes unappealing.
Let’s get to your TRASHY love life. It’s like you run into the jankiest guys. They put on a front like they have it all together, just for you to find out they were lying just to impress you. Or you have the guys, whose self esteem and confidence is so low, that they feel like that aren’t good enough because you may have a masters degree or a doctoral degree. Then, you have the guys who are striving to achieve the things that are similar to your goals but they only like strippers, or women without brains who don’t question them. But let’s not forget, the guys who don’t date black women because we have “attitude” problems or the ones who are screaming “I want my daughters to mixed and pretty.” Then, there’s this the whole sea of triflin, don’t wanna do better, I wanna be a dope boy, I don’t have health or life insurance, I’m riding in a BMW or Mercedes but living in the projects, I got several baby mommas and I don’t feel obligated to take care of my kids types of guys. Depressingly, there’s these guys who are the cream of the crop and seem picture perfect until you realize they are dating 100 other women who are just as great as you and they don’t plan on settling down anytime soon.
When am I gonna have a baby?
Now, you’ve gotten older and your biological clock it ticking. You KNOW it’s ticking because your momma is hollering about “I want some grandkids” and every year the OBGYN asks when are you going to start trying to have a baby. Then, the OBGYN goes into the “what can happen the longer you wait to have kids” speech.
So is EVERYBODY getting married?
Then, there’s the “I’m always the bridesmaid and never the bride” type of feeling. It seems like EVERYBODY YOU KNOW is getting married and having kids. It’s like your life is playing out quickly but nothing is really happening….. Like you’re stuck in some type of worm hole and time portal thingy and the lives around you seems to be moving but yours if just standing still.
Now, after completing all of these “goals” and doing everything as you “should”, you still feel like it is never enough.
To be real, I don’t know what to tell you. I am still trying to figure out this thing called life myself. Hopefully, in the end, we are able to achieve this “American Dream” and get all the desires of our hearts. I don’t wanna be Mary Jane. Well….. I don’t think so anyways. She’s 39 and still not truly happy. I think everyone’s goal is to be happy but damn who knew it would be so hard to be simply happy.
If you’ve never seen the show, here’s an episode below….
Now, this can be a touchy subject for people with kids. For some reason, when someone says “I don’t date people with kids”, they sometimes can get extremely offended.
What one must realize is that a person without kids typically has a whole different structure to life. They don’t have to worry about daycare, they don’t have to feed anyone but themselves, and they only have to make sure their “own” school work is done.
I think what people with children fail to realize is how their lifestyles can effect the person they’re dating. People with children have way more responsibility than a person without kids. It also extremely effects the available time they have to dedicate to the person they’re dating. Their priorities typically don’t align with a person who does not have kids.
One also CANNOT pressure someone into playing the role of a step parent. It is not fair to the person they are dating. Most likely, they really want to get to know you very well waaayyyyyyyy before they start meeting and hanging out with your kids. Nobody wants to be obligated to be attached to your kids right out the gate especially if they don’t even now if they want to date you long term.
People must realize the other things that come with dating them as well….. No one wants to be dealing with your family issues. Not only does a person have to get along and bond with your kids, they have to somewhat develop a relationship with the other parent and their family. Many times, that’s not the most appealing situation to be put in especially if the parents relationship is horrible.
Also, emotional baggage is sometime else to consider. They might still be trying getting over their baby momma or baby daddy. Some people even try to use the people they date to make their baby momma/daddy jealous. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Nobody wants unnecessary drama added to their life.
Then, there is the financial aspect of having kids. If you didn’t know, children can be very expensive. You don’t wanna make a person feel bad because they have buy school clothes but you want to go to the Maldives.
Now, I just wanted to graze over this topic so some people can get a bit of an understanding as to why some people will not date people with kids.
See, I’ve tried this type of method and it turned out horribly. I wasted almost 2 YEARS of my life with this foolishness. I’m suggesting that you do not aim for this type of relationship. You’ll be happier that you didn’t intentionally try it. If it happens, let it happen naturally.
Anywho, for those who don’t know what this type of relationship this is, let me enlighten you. Basically, a “Jay and Bey” relationship is when one person in the relationship is attractive and the other person is ugly. Another definition of this could be two powerful, successful, and influential people in a relationship. BUT….. For today, we are focusing on the first definition.
Now, when you met the person, you already KNEW you weren’t attracted to the person physically. It does not take you 90 days to determine if a person is physically attractive. Stop lying to folks about this. They was ugly on day 1 and they STILL ugly on day 90. Sooooo….. The person has decent conversation skills, they’re nice, and etc….. BUT you already done friend zoned this person AND THEY DONT EVEN KNOW IT.
You continue to hang out with the person because you just like them as a person. Next thing you know, they done caught feelings. Now, you looking crazy cause all you wanted to do was kick it…… They’re introducing you as their “lady” and you meeting family and friends. You don’t trip…. You’re just taking it easy…. Yall ain’t talked about it and everything is cool. Then, one day they finally drop the “I Love You” phrase.
Let me tell yall what happened to me LOL!!!!!! Sooooooo… One day, he stopped by because he was on my side of town. As I walk him to the door, he says “I love you and I’ll see you later.” Soooooo you KNOW I was looking crazy and I ain’t say it back. I was caught off guard mane! This fool just starts speed walking to his car. I’m in the frame of the door of my apartment booty shaking and singing “He said he loves me. I know he loves me!” He done pulled off and now I got call him and try to fix it. Lol!!! Anywho, after I straighten out that mess, I call my cousin. She dating this ugly guy with a horrible lazy eye. Like… When he wake up the eye still be sleeping in type of eye. Lol! So she’s like, “man try this jay and bey relationship. Them ugly boys always treat you real good.” So I’m like okay, I’ll try dating this guy. And as you date a person, for some odd reason, they start looking better…… Okay okay okay, back to the blog.
So he’s in love and now you’re trying to figure out if you’re gonna date him or not. You look at that classic “pros and cons list” and you’re like ugly shouldn’t weigh more than this other important stuff. Now, yall “dating” and everything is cool initially. Now, you start noticing a few things that get on your nerves. I SWEAR….. When a dude is ugly, everything he does wrong seems 10x worst than if a cute guy did it, no matter how small or big it is. Now, every other day you mad about stuff and everything he does bothers you.
Good Nugget: Just because a guy is ugly doesn’t mean he won’t act like a “typical” guy.
Ok…. Now, he done did some crazy sh**. He stepping outside to take calls or b****es calling his phone all times of night or he just being sneaky as hell about EVERYTHING. NOW…..you pissed as hell. Not only is he acting up but he UGLY too!
You’ve investEd time, finances, and effort into this relationship and now his UGLY ASS got the audacity to try to cheat OR is already cheating. Now, you’re beyond PISSED cause you’ve realized that you might be getting played by an initially friend zoned guy, who’s ugly, that you only dated cause “yo cousin” was talking about trying out a “Jay and Bey” relationship.